Proactive Parenting - Parents: Teach Your Children How To Fail!

By: Proactive Success Ezine

This statement, "Teach your children how to fail" usually draws looks of astonishment in talks. Even letting their children fail seems like a revolutionary concept to some people. However, when you consider how children learn to walk, you see that teaching them how to "try it on their own" is the only way for them to learn. It is our job as parents to make sure they have a safe and loving environment in which to learn.

I believe that sheltering children from experiencing the right level of failure, condemns them to lives of mediocrity and possibly sets them up to lose their self-esteem when they fail at life's real lessons. This article provides three keen tips as to how proactive parenting can be done so you and your children will "grow through failure" and be successful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Make sure love is unconditional ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nothing builds up a child's self-esteem better than unconditional love. Make sure your children know that you love them for who they are, and not just for what they do to please you. If you love your children, teach them to believe they are never failures, even though they make mistakes or encounter difficulties from time to time.

It is hard to watch your child fail at something, but you must encourage little Johnny to walk on his own and let him suffer the requisite falls. For most parents it is natural to be empathetic and encouraging while their child learns how to walk. Why should it be so different for learning other life skills? Be encouraging and patient as your children push their comfort zone out in other areas of life as well. Tell them "You can do it; just keep trying." Then reward them for their "efforts" as well as their accomplishments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Teach them how to fairly evaluate themselves ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Treat all mistakes as good learning opportunities. Let your children see that you make mistakes and that you learn from them too. Give children gentle and accurate feedback when they fall short of expectations and then lead them forward with your enthusiastic encouragement.

Giving inaccurate feedback of children's performance, like saying, "you did a great job" when they really didn't, might seem like a form of encouragement, but IT IS NOT! The only way to build genuine self-esteem is to respect your children's ability to learn by giving accurate truthful and loving feedback that will help them improve. It would be far better to tell them "I'm so proud of you; you can learn from this and do better the next time."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Teach them to love challenges ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I found that it was important to challenge my children in ways that taught them to love challenges. Together we read a lot of adventure stories, and my wife and I helped them to write and produce their own plays. We helped them to push themselves in ways that stretched their imaginations as well as abilities.

Have you ever read a good story that had no adversity, no conflict, or no setbacks? No, of course not. So make it a habit to read to your children and help them to love to read themselves. Even in fictional books, where anything is possible and heroes may spring full-grown, the favorite heroes are the ones who started out very naïve. They bumbled their way from challenges into terrible messes - messes that they often needed help to get out of. The reader is then given the chance to participate in the learning and growing process that makes the hero great in the end. Heroes need to be developed.

There can be no hero without a victory first. And there is no victory without the possibility of failing at something important. Let your children be heroes.

Parents, give your children a chance to learn from their failures and they might teach you a thing or two about what makes heroes lovable. You will never be the perfect parent and you most likely will never have perfect children. But you will have the necessary ingredients for the rich rewards of living and loving as you learn how to manage your failures together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Randy Gilbert, a.k.a. Dr. Proactive, author of "SUCCESS BOUND" http://www.Success-Bound.com and the supercharged e-course "PROACTIVE THINKING SECRET: How You Can DOUBLE Your Wealth And Happiness In ONLY Weeks" http://www.DrProactive.com/proactive_thinking_secret/ Copyright 2001 Randy Gilbert. All rights reserved. Feel free to pass the above in its entirety to anyone you wish. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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